The Thrifty Date and Women: Maxim's Unauthorized Guide

 Yes men, you too could be owners of this lovely lifelike blow up doll. Ur, we mean, a real lady. With a soul and a pulse and EVERYTHING. 


Would you like to:
•    Meet and seduce the women most men only fantasize about?
•    Make the woman of your dreams forget every other man she's met?
•    Understand her secret desires and learn how to fulfill them?
•    Turn your relationship into the most exciting adventure of your life?

This is what Women: Maxim's Unauthorized Guide promises the reader. I recently found this book while packing and I like it. It's unintentional comedy.

As a quick, funny background on this book, my friend Sam purchased it for his friend. His friend was terrified of Women so the book was a gag gift. I wanted to deliver it to him but he was scared of me, so I didn't.

The book contains common sense tips like "Take showers and wear deodorant, hygiene is important," and "We know she talks a lot but actually listen to what the bitch says occasionally, it will greatly increase you chances to sex her." (My words, not theirs) But I'm certain a lot of this doesn't apply to the thrifty female population. It's my duty to quickly debunk some of the common myths perpetuated by this kind of publication.


1.    A good date involves a chick flick and vanilla scented candles.
That sounds like an endurance test, not a date. I actually hate watching chick flicks. I'd prefer beer, cartoons, and horror movies.

2.    All females like a romantic dinner.
A thrifty female balks at the unnecessary expense that comes with an implied "romantic dinner". Also, doesn't this type of dinner make dating awkward for "first dates"? Thrift females are casual.

3.    Females like "Chick Shows" and "Chick Music".
The book goes into a "Chick Pop Culture Crash Course". I'm actually not familiar with anything listed. I've never seen "When Harry Met Sally", "Friends", "Pretty in Pink", "Ally McBeal", or even heard of "Lilith Fair". Can’t we just watch Batman: The Animated Series or Ren & Stimpy?

4.    All females like sparkly things.
A thrift female doesn't like fancy jewelry. Some females would prefer something you made as a gift, or even some batman comic books. Most of all, a thrift female merely desires your company. Really.

5.    All women are subconsciously planning their weddings.
Huge elaborate weddings are an obscene waste of money in the eyes of a thrift female. Even as someone who's worked as a wedding photographer I can't see myself having a wedding. It's money better spent elsewhere and I honestly think weddings are boring. I can't be the only one!

 

I hope I've never unintentionally looked this flirtatiously at any man alive. If I have, I apologize.

It's not quite fair for me to judge this book as I'm not only a thrifty female but I not a "woman". I do not mentally think of myself as a woman, female certainly, but definitely not a "woman"! What do my fellow thrift females think about the general perception of females in books like Women: Maxim's Unauthorized Guide?

I also ranted about this fun little book over on my personal blog Van's Story Time.